Sermons In Time

“You are my friends”

John 15:11-17

One of the most intriguing statements from Jesus in the New Testament comes from the passage on the vine and the branches in John 15:

There, Jesus is quoted as saying, “ You are my friends. You did not choose me. I have chosen you.”

I grew up in a world where the evangelical task of the Church was to convince people they needed to choose Jesus – that being a friend of God was a choice we had to make.

Imagine my surprise to hear Jesus say this: “You are my friend. I have chosen you.”

It reminded my of early childhood, when on the playground a little girl came up to me and said, “You are my friend.” What an ego building, soul enriching moment that was!

Friendship is an interesting phenomenon. You can’t really say, “Will you be my friend?” Instead, we offer ourselves in friendship to others. It’s not even, “Will you be my friend?” It is a statement of wholesome relationship, a declaratory statement: “You are my friend.” It is not even dependent upon the response of the other.

> Choosing a friend is reflective of a chosen lifestyle. The friends I choose say more about who I am than most anything else. Friendship is almost a sacredly shared relationship. When with a friend, what that friend says and does, the way that friend acts and thinks is usually a reflection of our own thoughts and words and acts. Because we have been together, life is richer for both of us.

It may not be in the saying. It may simply be being together. I remember a trip home from Colorado with my daughter. She was at the time a young adult, mature, and a joy to be with. We drove through the night across the plains. In the quiet of the night hardly a word was spoken. Afterward we were reflecting on the “time together.” It was a sacred time. It wasn’t what was said, no great fatherly advice, no questioning about life, just together! We both still remember that time with warmth of heart.

Being retired, I have discovered a new joyful activity. I lived a very busy life as the pastor of large Churches. Often, my best friend, my wife, and I found it very difficult to share “Open time” with each other. Four children, a household, parish demands, programming, kept us not only busy, but also often walking on each other’s toes (space?) of even passing each other along the way like ships in the night.

Today is different – and I rejoice in the difference. Each morning over coffee, newspaper, shared conversation, remembering and looking forward, there is a “Holy Hour” which belongs to us. We keep that time devotionally – to each other and for our life together.

We have always been “best friends” – Lovers, yes, - but the depths of love are found in the mutual friendship, the mutuality, the joy of knowing the fullness of life with each other.

Another characteristic of choosing to be a friend is the way in which the other is approached. It is with respect, with regard, with an anticipation to know from the other that, which has drawn us to that person in the first place.

In order for that approach to be there, listening to the other is primary. We are eager to hear their story, know their joys, their struggles, their sorrows. Such is the task of listening.

Karl Menninger in his book, Love against Hate, suggests that when we are listened to, it makes us unfold and expand. - So also for the other. It makes people happy and free when they are listened to… When we listen to another, there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being recreated. There is an attitude of incompleteness, a desire to say, “Tell me more.” This friend is going to share with me his or her soul. We literally walk in their shoes when they speak. As they share their true self, they will be wonderfully alive.

Martin Buber, the Jewish Philosopher, talks about “Levels of Friendship.” He speaks of these levels as the “Thou”, the You”, and the “It”. I find these designations helpful. The Thou is that closeness of which I have been speaking. For many of us, Close Friends are what fill our soul with the daily rhythms of wholeness. These persons are truly our Soul Mates!

At the second level, he speaks of those who are friends – or those with whom we are friendly, acquaintances fellow sojourners along the way. Often a waitress or clerks by their friendly spirit affirm our humanity. Not because we are close, but because we are sojourners in life.

Last week , Gloria and I walked into a car dealership total strangers. Obviously, we looked like a potential customers, and were treated kindly. After working through our interest and buying a car, the young man who waited on us, continued to treat us friendly. Others went their way. We were no longer important. But the young man carried our mutual humanity to further caring. I was not a “thou” to him, but I was certainly a “you” – a respected fellow human being.

Ignoring, shunning, treating badly can reduce another to an “It” – Deprived of the very essence of humanity. Persons passed on the street, ignored, avoided, put down, and in so many other ways, we are capable of being expressions of “Man’s inhumanity to man.” It is not only a denial of the humanity of the other, but also degradation to our own.

To follow Buber a bit further: Can’t you see the inhumanity, the denial of the friend in “Road Rage”? By contrast, on the Muskogee Turnpike there are two signs. The first is typical of the vehicles we all drive today, from the VW Bug to the Gigantic SUV’s: Speed limit 75MPH. And to those same drivers the touching and powerful words: “Drive Friendly.” How such encouragement helps the journey stay humane!

Along the way, I had an experience about a friend, which has been a memory of sorrow. In my grade-school days, I had a friend whom I enjoyed very much. One day, this young man came home with me, and we had a good time playing together. After he left, my mother called me in and said, “I know that (and she called him by name) is your friend, but since he is (another ethnic group) he should not be a close friend. I was puzzled and shocked. The interesting fact is, my mother was wrong. But the seed of prejudice was implanted, and I have literally spent years seeking to overcome it. The friendship was real, but because of that experience, it was blighted to my deep sorrow. I long, not only for myself, but for our entire society that such prejudice can be eliminated – and friends can be wholly that.

Often I think of a friend as one who knows all about you and likes you anyway.

Friendship is never exploitive. There is no greater violation of a friendship that to “use” another for your own advantage or personal interests. That does not mean those friends never help, care for, stand up for one another. But it does mean that nothing can undermine a relationship more quickly than “selfishly using another person!”

Well, there is much more – friendly national and international policies, reaching out and being a friend in all of life’s circumstances, affirming our mutual life together in a friendly atmosphere. So much more!

Reaching out and being a friend!

The other day I was reflecting on the passing years. I remembered with joy and sorrow three who were dear friends across time. One, a farmer in Western Kansas, Harlan House, who took this young pastor in and shared himself so graciously to Gloria, Myself, and our Children. A Second, Darryl Patton, who was our Choir director while in El Dorado, and our own Grover Phillips, who was for many years the associate pastor here at East Heights. Today, these all have died. But in some mysterious way, their friendship remains. Gloria and I are still close to each of them. I think of Jesus sharing one of the most profound aspect of our human life – the friendship which is caught up in the Kingdom of God - our being members, one of another. Truly, Jesus was right: “You are my friends. You have not chosen me, I have chosen you,”

Blessed be the tie that binds our hearts in Christian Love. The fellowship of kindred minds is like to that above.

When we are called to part, it gives us inward pain. But we shall still be joined in heart, and hope to meet again.

Goodnight, dear friend. Amen

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